did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
