So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
