Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
wat bout pragnant strippers??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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