Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
