Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
