just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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