There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
