mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
