im drinking this country out of the recession.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Randomize
