Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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