Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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