Your mouth is God's brothel.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
