dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize