i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How's work?
Spinning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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