Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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