found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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