i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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