Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
