i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
