remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
