Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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