I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Success! We fucked roommates!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
