I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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