I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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