Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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