Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
