smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
