Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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