i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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