new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
