Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
