Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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