and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize