So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize