I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
