well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
