theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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