I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
