i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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