I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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