Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
