So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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