There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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