she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
