I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
