I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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