Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
