btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
