either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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