idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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