he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want to make out with him forever
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
