FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
