Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All the doctor said was why
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
