Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
