cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
