dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
