Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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