He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
