I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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