Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
