you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
