Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
