Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
