look no pants
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize