just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
