You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
