I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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