Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
