so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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