it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
