Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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