this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
