this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
