Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
