Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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