You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize