dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've blown a few things in my day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
